While the primary purpose of your initial conversation with the birth mother is for her to find out about you, there are plenty of things you need to find out about her. It is important to remember, that your attorney should obtain from the birth mother a Social and Medical History form which is very extensive and which will provide many detailed items of medical and genetic information which you and your child's pediatrician will need to have. It also asks important questions about use of drugs or alcohol during pregnancy. For this reason, you should not press the birth mother if she seems uncomfortable providing any of this information up front. You do not want to alienate her by unnecessary personal questions.
Getting the Information You Need
How Much Do I Reveal?
There is a natural fear of revealing personal information to a stranger. You might feel you should not have to do this. While the feeling is understandable, it is simply something you will have to overcome. A birth mother has a right to know cerain things about you. In fact, she needs to know these things in order to make an informed decision. There are a few rules to remember, however, in deciding what is appropriate to reveal and what is not.
Conveying Compassion
Perhaps the most important thing which you must accomplish in your first conversation with the birth mother is to make her feel that you really care about her. You will find this hard to do if you do not really mean it.
