While the primary purpose of your initial conversation with the birth mother is for her to find out about you, there are plenty of things you need to find out about her. It is important to remember, that your attorney should obtain from the birth mother a Social and Medical History form which is very extensive and which will provide many detailed items of medical and genetic information which you and your child's pediatrician will need to have. It also asks important questions about use of drugs or alcohol during pregnancy. For this reason, you should not press the birth mother if she seems uncomfortable providing any of this information up front. You do not want to alienate her by unnecessary personal questions.
The most important things to find out in the first conversation are the following:
1. How far along in her pregnancy is she?
2. Has she received medical care?
3. How much has she thought about adoption and how committed to it is she?
4. Does her family know about her pregnancy and her adoptive paln, and are they supportive?
5. Would it be helpful to her to receive counseling at this point?
6. Does the birth father know about the pregnancy and the adoptive plan?
7. Is the birth father going to be supportive and willing to consent?
8. Will the birth father's family be supportive?
9. What immediate needs does she have?
10. In what state and general area does she live?
11. Has she spoken with a lawyer or other adoption professional?
Remember, this should be a conversation which is as relaxed as possible and which is supportive of her emotional needs.